


Recovery: 1787

by vellifics



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Character Death, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 16:45:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10745757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vellifics/pseuds/vellifics
Summary: The year is 1787, the Dutch are currently undergoing a crisis and the Prussian government has been tasked to step in and find a solution. Meanwhile, Gilbert is still recovering from last year's event and is struggling to cope with the loss of his mentor.





	Recovery: 1787

_____________________

  
The summer months had been good to him; a time of peace was necessary after one of the greatest losses in Prussian history. While the nation was still recovering from the previous year, rising troubles to the west had managed to keep him occupied in an area of Prussia's expertise. A war in planning. How long would this one last? A month? Three years? Another couple of decades like his first major expedition? While his higher ups had been debating over the level of involvement in their personal issue, it was not enough to keep his troubles away. He wanted nothing more than an endless battle with former enemies, a mindless war to pass the time until his leader had proven himself worthy to lead the nation.   
  
He always found safety within himself, whether it be a part of him or something external, Prussia always knew he had something to rely on. More and more frequently these days his only solitude was in his room, scribbling down his grandeurs and epic conquests in his diary, the only consistent presence in his life since the beginning. His eyes quickly scoured the desk in front of him in an attempt to find it, it's home resting beneath his actual work, and with careful precision he removed it from the bottom of the pile. The leather bound cover instantly provided some much needed reassurance, this edition had been one of his best works. His fingers traced the spine, finding little comfort in the printed year, this one had been tough. Flipping through the pages, Gilbert began to scour the entries until his eyes fell on his newest piece.  
  
_“…and so, the awesome me continues to succeed in every way. I hope Österreich continues to provide easier targets in the future!  He’s getting easier to beat down every day, I wonder if something might be wrong with him hahaha!! As if the great Preußen would ever show any genuine concern, but it’s not going to be any fun if he gives up entirely! Hahahahaha!!”_  
  
His current entry remained unfinished as the paperwork had only continued to pile up, along with the great effort it took to get started, Prussia set his sights for the peak. With a low hanging head and fingernails embedded into his scalp, rising stress levels began to get the better of him. _Ask someone else to do it. They have already offered to lessen the workload. All you have to do is ask._ Rolling his eyes and setting his focus back to the paperwork, a low groan escaped the back of his throat. Why had he been left to himself, this was the exact opposite of what he needed right now and the paperwork provided left to himself, this was the exact opposite of what he needed right now and the paperwork provided little distraction to his circling thoughts. _How was he doing? Is he okay up there?_

“Herr Preußen.”

Quickly slamming his diary shut and hiding it from view, Gilbert peered over his shoulder only to find the space behind him empty. Did he really believe that he was hearing things again, or had someone genuinely called for his attention? The most logical explanation would have been another visitor, merely requesting permission to enter his quarters but another thought was pestering him in the back of his mind, only to invite guilt to creep up his spine. _Answer. Call back. Push the thoughts back. You know it couldn't possibly be him._

It wasn't working. Would he really let this get the better of him, when he had striven to keep face for so long. _Breathe._ He hardly noticed the lack of oxygen in his lungs before the burn. _Breathe._ He drew in a sharp breath, providing little comfort to the growing pains he had caused. _Now breathe out._ He was getting worse, and his shaky exhale only solidified these thoughts. _Inhale. Exhale. Take as much time as you need to recover. Breathe._ His breathing was still shaky and slow, all while his chest began to constrict, guilt quickly consuming any positive reinforcing thoughts. _Do something._   _Please remember to breathe._ His rate of breathing began to increase, only getting more painful with each intake, he couldn't tell himself to slow down as his mind found his shaking hands to be a new distraction. Finally, his breathing reached it's peak, a deep pain sat just below his throat while the discomfort caused his eyes to water up. _Please don't cry. Relax your shoulders and breathe out._ The weight on his shoulders fell through and along with it Gilbert had managed to release his breath. _Regulate._  Finally taking his first normal breath in minutes was euphoric, and along with it, his shaking began to subside. _He's gone, don't worry. You aren't hearing things._ As he was beginning to come to, his thoughts returned to the original voice. The real voice. _It gets easier._ _  
_

A quick knock was heard against his door, along with a cautious voice. "S-sir, I've been asked to bring you to the meeting. We need to discuss our plans for the Dutch situation. Are you okay?"  
  
With a quick swipe across his face, Gilbert removed the last piece of evidence of his breakdown and allowed it to soak through his sleeve. Clearing his throat before a voice break destroyed the last strand of confidence, he returned his thoughts to the door and began speaking with his familiar assurance. "Haha, of course! Why wouldn't I be okay? Don't bother waiting around, the awesome me will be there shortly."

A sigh could be heard behind the door, followed by the decline in volume of footsteps. He was alone again. He couldn't even face himself in the mirror to assess the damage, the only thing he could do was to wish for the best and hope that no one would notice. It took him a couple more minutes before he decided to make his next move, his original panic was no longer simmering and was instead replaced by exhaustion.  _You're going to be okay. Finish what you were doing and head off._  Gilbert lifted his head to see his forgotten diary pushed to the side, and tentatively opened it to the incomplete page. "Ha.... You're always here for me diary, I guess I should finish this off before the meeting. Why do they even need me there? This is all because of their personal problems, as if the entire population cares about who's kidnapping who." With a quick scoff, Gilbert reclaimed his quill and began to finish off what he had previously started.

_“Anyway, it’s time to move on. I want to see Österreich attempt to fight back some day, it looks like he may have something up his sleeve and I can’t wait to see his face when it falls though!”_

_Don't finish it there. You need some sort of resolution._ _  
_

Sighing and letting his thoughts get the better of him, Gilbert began to end his final notes. Writing his last few lines may have helped in some way, even if if would seem like it at the time. Setting his quill down, Gilbert quickly collected himself and began to leave the safety of his room, now he had to face his people. Turning to glance back at his desk, a faint smile pulled against his lips.  ... _Please be proud of me._ Turning back to exit the room, it was time to face the real world and leave his thoughts behind in his room. Grin. Furrow your eyebrows. Act like the you that everyone knows. And with that, Gilbert resumed the role of Prussia and began his journey with wide strides down the halls. His government wouldn't notice a thing.

_____________________ _  
_

_"I hope you continue to look over me Fritz, it's been a year since your death which is so uncool! We're about to go to war again, the Dutch won't know what to do!! I hope you're watching from wherever you are! Continue to praise me on the battlefield, this one is for you!!"_

_\--Signed,_

_Preußen_

_17.08.1787_

_____________________

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing anything close to a fanfic so hopefully it's alright. This is my submission for @hetalia_2p_fab's +700 follower fanfiction contest. My instagram username is @_felicianovargas if anyone would like to submit suggestions or fic ideas for the future (if anyone even liked this haha). I tried to make it as historically accurate as possible so please forgive any minor mistakes. This is also my first time posting on AO3 so hopefully everything is okay! Please leave feedback if there's anything you would like to suggest for my writing. Thank you for taking the time to read this!


End file.
